Last updated : Friday, July 10, 2009

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Me, My Fiance and Facebook

It happens almost every weeknight. I've spent all day staring at a computer at work, yet I find myself parked on the couch with my laptop a few hours later on Facebook, perusing pictures of people's weddings, learning via status update that my best friend is stuck on the runway at O'Hare craving Thai food, or seeing quiz results that if someone were to be an animal, they'd most likely be a gorilla.

During this time, my fiance is trying to get me to pay attention to Guy Fieri eating an oversized cheddar burger on Diners, Drive-ins and Dives. After a quick, distracted glance, I briefly wonder if he has high cholesterol from his job ... and then I catch up on 3 new posts.

Why am I admitting this embarrassing use of my time? Because I guarantee that you have this problem, too. In a relationship or not, we spend more time with technology than with real people. I have actually seen (in my Newsfeed, of course) couples communicate through Facebook when they're sitting right next to each other.

We need to take a break and go back to the basics. My grandma Rita gets by just fine using the TV Guide from the newspaper, sending letters in the mail, using her cell phone for long distance calls only, and playing cards with friends in person (not through a virtual universe of anonymous mahjong players). Maybe we should take a page from her book. We're so addicted to our computers, gadgets, and other people's lives online, that we're missing out on our own real ones.

The BlackBerry Curse

The BlackBerry is just as dangerous as Facebook. Our brains have become programmed to check them approximately every nine seconds. We always think we feel buzzing, or hear beeping, or that we need to "reconcile now" since we haven't received any new emails in the last four minutes. It's hard to fully focus on what you're doing when there may be a light blinking in your purse. Sometimes my fiance has to physically guide me across the street while I check an email while walking. He finds the fact that I would risk my life for an email very troubling. 

I will not deny that a BlackBerry does come in handy for non-work related reasons:

Awkward elevator moment? Play BrickBreaker immediately.

Waiting for someone at a bar and feel like a loser? Take out the BlackBerry and pretend to be very busy and important.

Confused on the lyrics for "Don't Stop 'Til You Get Enough"? Google it on the spot. (I actually did this once and was shocked at the line "Keep On With The Force Don't Stop". I always thought he was saying something about a post office. RIP MJ)

But in general, it's just another huge distraction from what's going on right in front of us (namely oncoming traffic).

Out of Office

Thanks to the BlackBerry, we also feel this extreme pressure to stay connected to our jobs after office hours. According to relationship expert Diana Falzone, "The problem most couples are facing with technology is that there are no boundaries. Just because you can get messages 24/7 doesn't mean you have to respond to them. I have a good friend Anthony who turns off his phone at 7pm and he tells his clients that anytime after 7pm is family time. In the United States, we operate by the live to work motto whereas we should shift our lifestyles to have more balance with career and personal relationships. Give this motto a try, 'Work to live'. Turn off the phones, shut down your computer and concentrate on the one you love."

Goodbye Gadgets

I am going to put you all up to a challenge. When you leave work for the day, turn off the BlackBerry. Don't text while you drive. Don't even boot up your home computer. Go to the gym (please don't put your cell phone in a holder on the elliptical). Make dinner or go out with your friends, your boyfriend, your girlfriend, fiance, wife, or husband. And really listen to them. Get ice cream and restrain yourself from writing a status update that they're unfortunately out of mint chocolate chip.

And then take the "What Random Object Are You" quiz tomorrow during your lunch break ... if you must.

 

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