Last updated : Thursday, April 2, 2009

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Love In a Recession

There's no question that the "great recession" is here; no more speculation and no denying it anymore. Time for mindfulness; time for centeredness; time for frustration-tolerance and stress management; time for motivation. Is all the collective anxiety and loss of material things dampening our romantic spirit? Maybe. Maybe the thought of getting into a committed relationship has many of us scared - too scared to even think about the financial burden of a family. Then again, maybe a team of two is stronger than one and going it alone is not the best road to travel when circumstance brings us to our knees, both financially and emotionally. In fact, according to a recent report on the Today Show, Internet dating activity has recently gone up!

But just maybe without all the focus on keeping up with the Joneses because the Joneses just lost their home and are about to file chapter 11 anyway - we can get back to what love is really about (vulnerability, caring, compassion and humility for starters). Stop having relationships in the name of joint consumerism, full of big gas-guzzling SUV's and balloon mortgages we were never going to be able to pay!

Of course not all unions built during prosperous times are devoid of love, but it is during the most anxiety provoking and trying times that we suffer, and the upside of suffering is that it provides the potential opportunity to learn what we're really made of; to make peace with the unique weaknesses that make each of us human, and to learn how to conquer some of our worst fears. These are precisely the kinds of challenges that can help us know ourselves better; accept that we are fallible, and forgive ourselves for not having all the trappings of what all Americans are "supposed" to have. We can go two ways here. Some of us really will come out emotionally stronger while others who have fewer effective coping skills and supports, may fall into what I'll call shelter me syndrome in which the anxiety and feelings of powerlessness are overwhelming and the best way to ameliorate them is by depending upon and hiding behind someone else.

The ability to engage in self-reflection and to accept reality have perhaps been, until pretty recently, very underrated aphrodisiacs. But in this economy these very abilities may just be priming us to build some of the strongest relationships in recent times; relationships characterized by falling in love with a human being, not the dream of a fabulous life. Then again, it may be the shelter me syndrome. I suppose we'll have to wait for the divorce statistics after our economy has bounced back...

Laura Grashow Psy.D. is a licensed psychologist who has been working with children, adolescents and families for over 15 years. She specializes in relationship issues, parenting, divorce, and child development. For more information, see Laura's Web site. 

Plus, check out Laura's new book "Dating the Older Man." It is the ultimate comprehensive guide to coping with large age differences in love relationships. In today's world, factors such as high divorce rates, plastic surgery, increased life span, Internet dating, and even Viagra are making older men more available and more attractive choices for younger women. Get great practical answers to real problems and dilemmas- including issues relating to blended families and how to be a step-parent. The book is a veritable "how to" for relationships packed with great strategies and is an invaluable resource for women in the modern dating world.

 

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