Last updated : Wednesday, May 6, 2009

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Always a Bridesmaid

bride standing with her bridesmaid and smiling

I've been a professional bridesmaid for a few years now. It's a non paying part-time job, but the benefits are great. I get to travel the country for reunion weekends with my best friends, attend picture-perfect parties, and I never have to worry about what to wear.

On the flip side, this part-time job has, at times, depleted my savings account. Photos of me at the height of the "freshman fifteen" have been flashed in rehearsal dinner slideshows. Cancelled flights have left me stranded in unfamiliar cities. And I've spent more time working on poems to read at showers about my friends than spending time with my friends. (Thankfully however, I have yet to be forced to wear an updo.)

If you're new to the bridal circuit, here are the dos and don'ts of being the ultimate "maid" while keeping your sanity.

DO: Lie to your friend and tell her you absolutely love your bridesmaid dress, even though you think it looks like a potato sack with straps. Carley Roney from TheKnot.com says, "Girls can be catty, and worrying that the bride may find out you made a gagging gesture behind her back is only added stress. Once her bridal and bridesmaid gown decisions are made, stand by her choices."

DO: Donate the dress to a charity like DonateMyDress.org instead of dressing as "80's Bridesmaid" at the next Halloween party, which (oops!) your friend who chose it is at!

DO: Keep your eye out for James Marsden to rescue you if you get knocked unconscious trying to catch the bouquet.

DO: Go with the flow. Despite the fact that the last thing you want to spend your money on is a pair of lavender satin shoes, or a manicure in a color you hate, keep it to yourself. This day means the world to your friend, and cranky bridesmaids are a buzz kill.

DON'T: Drink too much at the rehearsal dinner the night before. The last thing a bride needs to deal with is her pale, green friend passing out from dehydration during the ceremony.

DO: Secretly wipe off some makeup after pictures. It's always a plus when the bride treats her maids to a makeover before the ceremony. But if you look in the mirror and see RuPaul staring back at you, it's ok to discreetly remove a few layers.

DO: Show your friend support, not just on her wedding day, but throughout her engagement. Whether it's simply asking about plans, going to a dress fitting, hiring the "entertainment" for the bachelorette party, or picking up her cousin from the airport, all of these are ways to show you care. Roney adds, "Remember that this event is not about you. Especially when it comes to time commitment, understand that you're going to have to give a little ... more than once."

DO: Be realistic about your budget. From flights, to gifts, and even hotels, the costs of being in a wedding can skyrocket. So, stay true to your own budget. If you just can't swing four days at The Palms in Vegas, send a bottle of wine or a few desserts to the group at dinner one night.

DON'T: Give a speech at the rehearsal dinner that will leave parents, grandparents and family friends unable to look the bride in the eye afterward. Remember your audience. Save the raunchy, embarrassing stories about her Cancun debacles and bad boyfriend choices for the bachelorette party. 

DO: Tell Bridezilla to take it down a notch. If your best friend expects you to feverishly take notes at dress fittings and be her personal masseuse when she's feeling tense over floral arrangements, remind her ever so sweetly that you still live in the real world and she better get a grip.

DO: Get into the wedding spirit. Being in a wedding is more fun if you just embrace the fact that you will have to play "pin the macho on the man", oooh and aaah over glass serving bowls, and introduce yourself to the bride's grandma at least 16 times before she remembers your name. Your friend will always look back and remember what an important role you played in making her wedding special and stress-free.

*The writer of this article wants her friends to know that she loved the dresses that were chosen for their weddings and none of them resembled a potato sack.

 

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